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Never ending nightmare

I seriously cant take it anymore. My mom's bullshit is getting out of hand. She got me arrested about 2 weeks ago now. and she reported us "missing" just to get the cops to look for us when she knew exactly where i was.
I really hope that my dad gets the kids. despite everything that was said in the past and the bullshit we went through, my dad isnt mentally insane like she is.


-i got kicked out again by my mom because of my sister AGAIN
-me and brandon went on our 1 year on the 17 of july
-my friend caught mersa :(
-i dont talk to my dad or his girlfriend anymore cuz hes a lil bitch
well technically cuz they both are immature.. dont you think when i 17 year old says im done talking about this it really doesnt mean keep it going? yea my dads girlfriend nicole is like a 13 year old teen that cant keep her trap shut. "your dad was right about you"
hey cunt how bout you read my posts about him? yea some dad arguing with his daughter, wont let you even text me. lol HE WILL ALWAYS BE MY DAD BUT HE WILL NEVER BE MY FATHER TILL HE STEPS UP. . and you will never be a grown ass woman till you are in your grave cuz obviously when a 17 year old acts more grown then you and you act like a my mom wont shut the hell up when people wanna drop it...your not grown. some one must love drama..
oh well dad you're not going to win the custody case and i can guarantee you that. so have fun all the way up there no one cares. all you did was abuse me audy and mom when we were little and molest cris. so fuck you stay the fuck out of my life . keep fuckin around with autumn and chris's head they will see that they dont need you either i said it before about mom now im saying it about you im going to be 18 this year ive been takin care of myself just fine i dont need you to give 2 shits about me your "love" is useless .

So sick of Haterz and Bitchez

ok so i never blogged about this before but i need to get this shit off my chest like breast reduction. lol . ok so my friend sterlings girl congetta wanted to trip on me cuz i sent a text to sterling sayin hey baybay.(Keep in mind this is nothing unuaul.) and i get this text back saying why you calling another girl's man baby. ..see i dont know if this bitch is blind , but she sure as hell is cock eyede idfk if this bitch is stupid. but im sure i got a man. she knows that shit too. and idky shes trippin. she grabbed my mans dick a couple years ago WHEN she was fuckin with sterling. IM the one that should be trippin, this cunt couldnt make up her mind then whos to say its different now? && anyways sterling told my sister that congetta dont care if she kisses another bitch...hmmm but i say "baybay" and i get my ass chewed. wdf . dumbass bitch. Oh not to mention how jannie and sterling act.they fuck around on a totally different level. BUT getta dont say shit cuz her fat ass is probably scared of her.. shit lmao.yea but maybe cuntgetta "knows" that they're playin ..right? scary bith.. Everybody knows it so its not like im putting anybody out there we all seen it.
haha oh and i have this text saved saying "anything for you baby" from sterling's old number. dont believe me? just ask for me to show it 2 ya. i showed shorty stephon and yoshi. OH it gets wayyyyyyyy better. sterling sent this text to my sister a while back saying "if i didnt have a girl.." lol.
yea so bitch needz to get her facts strait. fereal. And just cuz i got pissed at her for trippin she says she was just kidding and put lol at the end of "why you callin another girls man baby" .. ya lyin ass trick

haaha and her fat ass sister kaitlyn (she looks like moby dicks sister) texted my sister on sterlings phone saying " do you like sterling" &&then when my sister didnt text back she sent another one saying " do you like me" what kind of a dumbass bitch does that. ok bitch my sister maynot be as old as you but trust me shes definitely got a higher IQ than this bitch and my sister smokes weed! you know you stupid when a stoner is smarter than you. And nobody even like tha bitch, everyone talks about how they dont like her shes irratating and is in everyones shit. like fereal aint even bitchez problem.

lol just like sterling and stephons fat ass brother . like dude hes the youngest but it looks like he ate a good year blimp. started talking shit to me yesterday cuz i was with yoshi && this nigga was in deep thought saying ... "oh your no hot" comin to a conclusion lookin ass . this nigga looked like he was thinkin pretty hard..(probably decidin wat to eat) funny thing is , is that this nigga liked me in the summer and i BET you all tha money in the world if i would have liked him bak (elh) he woulda jumped for me.. no joke
and him and yoshi were arguing and lol hes like "just get out of the house" and my baby is like "at least we do" LMAO . god that shit was funny

ya but at the end of the confrontation hes like i heard congetta got beef with you (surprized he didnt eat that too) ill get her on you.. I threw an ice cream scooper at him LMAO. i wanted to be like OH GOD IM TERRIFIED lol like niggaz think im scared cuz shes fat.. wdf. OHHK. whatev.. lol if she wanted to fight me shed find me . im in milwaukee her white ass in waukesha.. she know where i stay.


They are hard. but once you get through the arguments and the tears your relationship grows stronger.&& Distance makes u appreciate them a whole lot more!

2 months later

Alot of shit has happened in my life good and bad , as usual.

:)... well to back track i found out when me&man first started going out . lmao.
only cuz i had ,what i like to call closure with my ex jose. & i realized that what he put me through wasn't even worth it.. Anyways I have confirmed that it was the 17 of july.. so that means that we have been going out for 5 months now... and counting

:(... 2 of my friends have been knocked up. one of them has an ASS as a fuckin baby daddy. ugh i fucking hate him so much. he looks like a huge pig with uncontrollable pubic hair growing on his face.. i guess i shouldnt be judging him cuz looks dont matter, BUT if ur going to date one of my best friends , you gotta treat her right.. and that fuck face doesnt. hes like 23 and still doesnt know how to treat a girl. first of all shes 16 and having your fucking child treat her with some fucking respect!!!! ass

:/...I keep looking around me and seeing no one. friend wise. like theres noone i can really trust but i remember my ex's mom telling me that the only person you can trust is yourself and saying that she doesnt need friends. just her man and her family. Thats probably going to be my life in the future. IF i get married . I am extremely scared of marriage. im pretty sure i blogged about it before... but anyways .. if i dont get married ill probably end up alone. well i could always buy a goldfish.. lol .jk a puppy..
but really alot of people turn on me. and no one really stays . maybe its cuz im a bitch. idk plus i get shy alot... i know OMFG DANNI GETTING SHY? .. right? well it takes me awhile to warm up to people. but idk. but i layed in bed thinking about it for awhile like 2 of my close friends act bitchy towards me when they're together but when i chill wit them alone im their best friend. ? idk . the only people that have never done that to me is Geena. & some new friends that havent got the chance to pull shit yet. But i can say that Geena is real. shes seriously real. and if anyone would ever hurt her... i would chop them up into little pieces and throw them into lake Michigan!!! so BEWARE, lol. But The people that are in my life now may not be there in 2 years or more. so i try my best at making an impression in their life . I hope i do. But i notice i give and put alot into relationships lovers& friendships and get very little back maybe im asking for too much but people constantly ask me for advice and when i come to them .nothing. i hate that. but with brandon i feel like im getting it back. and i love that about him.

------------well happy thanksgiving-------gotta go bond-----------------:P


it has been a while since ive been a while since i blogged , figure i might as well to keep you updated...... well life has been pretty interesting lately . my mm has made a very positive impact in my life because f her negativity towards me .. it makes me try harder. i will NEVER be failure .i dont care if she doubts me. that's her problem i know how im going t live my life . if she doesn't like it .she can kiss my ass. i had to grow up at fourteen . why now does she worry abut me? im going t be seventeen in November and now she gives a fuck? w.e

on anther note my "love life has been AH-MAZE-ING.and i have came to realize that hes the one who keeping me from falling back into depression . im great full for that.

im currently j-o-b hunting gotta get that $$ ya digg. lol.


Wounded Knee

Racism Ignorance pisses me off.

well today in my english class there was a remark that extremely offended me .
it was about my race,native american, and apparently "natives are hostile,and poor savages." The poor savages part is what i was reading about , from Columbus' point of view on natives.It was also about trying to convert us and shit. I didnt even take that fucking book home to do my HW cuz i was so pissed. and on top of that THE TEACHER said it.. And SHES WHITE. her excuse was im just saying it how the colonists said it. WELL BITCH ITS 2009 and america has been "discovered" for a while now. its time to stop saying shit like that,.I know if we were talking about slaves she wouldnt refer to a black person as a "nigger".& if her dumbass did i would looove to see that persons reaction. First of all we allowed them to share our fucking land. when we could have just scalped all their bitch asses. Second we taught them how to plant corn,and live off the land. (Squanto)We helped them on their fucking expeditions/ (Sacajawea) and a shit load of more. and what do they do? push us in camps to convert us,take our land,kill us,give us scabies,kill our families.And we're the ones who are hostile?

If your going to teach a class history ,is should be based on FACTS not someones fucking opinion.

que paso!

lol. so life has been great. (not detailed)
despite the pain and the suffering. I went to my cousin jasons 18 bday party(on the Aug29) and earlier that day me and brandon went with him to visit his gma in the hospital.. later that night he got a call and his grandma died. it was so sad me earth,belle,and brandon were all comforting him .We couldnt find a ride to the hospital ,we called everyone. even a taxi. We thought earths bf would take us. But he had"better things to do" those better things are getting high and drunk at some dude that fixes his car's party. it was soo fucked upp. he kept saying some really fucked up shit and was pissing everyone off. so brandon got super pissed and was bout to go say something . but he cooled down and i talked kodiene (earths bf) into driving us. then he started being a dick again . so a miracle happened and jasons alcoholic dad called a taxi and pre paid it to come get us . so brandon had to go home so kodiene took him home since jasons and my bf's house are close. and wat really pissed me off was how kodiene was all like "are you drunk?" to my bf cuz hes sitting there with his head in his hands and bent over in the car cuz he was upset. i answered ," no does he have to be drunk to be upset" and hes like did u get high and im like "no" i was soooooooooooooooooooooo fucking pissed off. and me and annabelle ended up going to the hospital with him and we didnt get home till 3. earth obv. went with her man to go party n shit . which was sooo fucked upp.. ugh therees alot more that happened that next morning at like 3:40-5:00 it just pisses me off.

but school started.. ughh. hate that school. but its college prep. more like preppy . ugh cant stand it, i liked my "ghetto" schools better they kept it real. lol

me and my bf are doing great. so are me n my famo.
if anything goes wrong with my happiness ,joy,i.e

thats just the beauty of life.

Insomnia; my favorite game.

Current mood: awake

Honestly...I mean, I know I do better on 4 hours of sleep rather than 9...but I am SO tired and my body won’t let me sleep! I wish counting sheep really worked...maybe a different animal. Anyways...

Life has been interesting lately. Lots of things going on and things in my mind as well.
But seriously, I need to spend more time with muh family i hate how we keep drifting farther and farther apart as each day passes. Its truly been hard for me ,and I can honestly say that it hurts. I don't have to swallow my pride to admit this like my mother assumes. I just cant take it . like Im going to be 18 next year. Then right after high school Im going strait to college... then my life starts.. my childhood is gone. and as death gets closer and closer I think by the time me and my mom are ok again that its going to be too late.. :( I wish i could change everything from the past to the present and hopefully changing my past would alter my future and maybe i wouldnt have ended up here , in Milwaukee. I wouldnt be such a bad person. but maybe this all is inevitable. who knows . If i was given the chance to relive my past in hopes to change the future. I would make the family stay together.I would fight for it.. even if im the only one trying. I would mend me and my mothers relationship and I would make sure I am closer to the family. And then I am sure i wouldnt have blackouts anymore.

Also, this brings up my dad . and i know he will read it . well at least i hope he does, cyz he needs to know. rather or not he believes im lying , i dont care. I miss you father. I miss spending time with you , i miss catching night crawlers with you, i miss catching fire flies with you, i miss your crazy ass and how you always make me laugh . even when i feel like shit, i miss talking with you and going up north to visit you. Im sick of us hating eachother and always fighting .

Writing about this makes me more and more depressed.everyday when i think about this ,i miss miss mishicot.and dont know what it is about that place that keeps me so attached to it . but I MISS IT SOOOOOOO BAD i feel like crying but its been almost 5 years now . i just learned how to fight back tears .I feel like screaming every feeling out of my body and just dying after that. cuz i dont even feel human and more . i cant believe this happened to me.. but i hope i grow more from this in the long run i became alot stronger after moving here.

i need to stop looking at what i lost and look at what i have.
i have amazing friends that are always here for me .
i have autumn and chris and i love them very very much even if we argue
i have my mom even tho we dont get along
i have a wonderful bf . that actually treats me right
i have my life.. and i need to stop taking that for granted

I miss that town
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it

:(I wish i could go "home"


Sick to my stomach.
As my eyes fill with tears.
My mind goes blank.
As I realize my fears.

Too many scars on my skin.
My heart breaks into thousands of shards.
This is a war I cannot win.
As the devil lays out his cards.

So call me a psycho, call me an outcast.
Tell me I'm nothing.
Cause I know my life will not last.

So preach to me.
Try to make me one of you.
I know what I am.
And to myself I am true.

Try to break me.
And tell me lies.
Try to change me.
And make me see everything through your eyes.

I know what is right.
I know what is wrong.
I have done nothing to you.
So why do you say I don't belong?

I try to stand so I can talk to you.
But my knees are weak and your words are not true.
Don't change me from what I am.
I have done nothing worng, so this is my last stand.

The razor gleams so brilliantly bright.
I know my last heart break was tonight.
So I take my life out of gods hands.
Into my own, while you refuse to understand.

I did this for me, and for you.
Call me selfish, and anything but one of you.
You always said there was no escape.
But what of suicide?
Yes. That surely was my fate.